Heal, Rediscover and Live Again…

Been a long time. I missed you guys. Yeah, I am lying. Yeah I know that you know. Today is the day when everything goes right. So, I thought of stealing the moment and making it happen. You know write a blog post.

So, today we are gonna talk about rediscovery. Duh. A deep one to discuss about. But, I think it is worth dedicating an entire post to. Rediscovery. What do we rediscover? How do we do that?

The last post, had been in July 2016. As I said it has been a long time. And a lot has changed since. I have changed since. Yes, I still use F words like salt on salad. But, now I measure the quantity. I make sure that it is per the liking of the people who are around. If you are not used to salt on salad, you will get it without salt. Meaning, I am decenting (no that’s not a word. But, I fucking used it anyways) myself down or up, whichever you choose, your call.

Man I am in a good mood today. It would have been a shame to let this opportunity go to waste. Anyways…that’s not the point here. I was talking about what? Yes, rediscovery.

Should I call it the R therapy? Maybe I should do an A to Z therapy series. I will think about it later.

Rediscovering is Letting Go

To rediscover, you need to let go first. Let go. You see letting go is an art. You gotta be an artist to let go in style. Or, just disappear. I am great at that. I disappear. But, anyways, my life is not the point here. I keep forgetting that I am not that important. Happens when you talk a lot and no one expresses the slightest desire to hear you out. The process of writing started from that only. I had a lot to talk about. And no one wanted to hear out. So, I thought fuck you all. I am gonna say it anyways. And I started penning them down.

So, let go. Whatever is keeping you there, tying you with the past - let them go. Hold on to the good memories of course. But, had memories been that good, the word would not have come up with such a morose sense. Memories. Try to make memories. Don’t live in them. They do nothing but hold us back.

They hold us back from acquiring. They hold us back from approaching. They hold us back from living life. And trust me when I say life passes by as we live in the memories. Life waits for no one. Each moment that you are living in past memory, you ignoring your present. It is a gift from the divine. Don’t waste it.

Say good bye to the memories that make you cry. Say good bye to those that make you frightened. Say good bye to those that make you happy as well. Instead make your present happy. Be happy today. Don’t dwell on the time you were happy.

Rediscovering is Healing

Yes, we all have been there in that moment when life choked us. We all have been there in the moment when end of life became the most desired option. We all have made a comeback.

Those moments might have damaged us, but, they failed to kill us. To rediscover, you gotta heal first. You gotta mend those wounds, restore the energy. And when you do, you will be able to look at the world from a new perspective.

This is the way we again discover ourselves. Easier said than done. I know. As I said the subject is deep and not expected from someone like. But, had you knew me or had you had any idea what I had been through, you would have understood that this is the kind of post that is expected of me. That one is a long sentence. But, sometimes they are required in the myriad of short and simple ones. Just like long hours of consideration is required amidst the hurried life. Setting up priority is the most important task.

When we set up priority, we discover once again why we are alive. It is all about passion or it all about the lust for life. Let go. Live today. Love a lot. It’s life. And it’s gonna end one day. Why hold yourself back? Rediscover and relive.

Huh…there you go. The R therapy. Try saying your good bye today. Tomorrow never comes…   

On Finding Your Voice…

Ah, well…I don’t know whether I am the right person to write about this. Yet, I think I have explored enough writing shits and experienced enough writing horrors to know what writing voice is.

How to find yours? I guess, that we will find out, soon, even if not here, in this post, but, somewhere in the near future, we surely will find the voice which touches souls and forces people to continue reading. That’s a 36-word sentence guys. Nope I am not proud of writing it. It’s not me. I am all for short sentences and go-with-it-or-go-without (whatever does that mean) sort of a writer. I write like I speak. And speaking is a necessity which I cannot survive without.

Anyways, let’s not go where we are not supposed to go. If I start talking about ‘Talking’, I will be talking for the next two centuries. So, please let me have the honor of delighting you with the knowledge that I have gathered while writing wits challenging contents that make no sense to me and I am sure the readers will agree at some point.

What is voice by the way?

The tool with which we communicate with others, right? Of course. Silly me. Even the dumbest person walking on earth knows that. Therefore, let me rephrase the question.

What is writing voice?

You ever tried to Google it? No? Do it today. You will find a flood of results. Wiki says it’s the writing style of an author. It’s the way the author uses words and forms sentences. Well, the definition might differ a bit from the way Wikipedia has expressed. But, the bottom line is the same.

Yes, it is the writing style of an author. It is the way we use words, form sentences and the way we use punctuation. Yet, voice is lot more than that. Your writing voice is you. It is how you see the world. It is how you see yourself. It is what you believe. It is you and your life.

When you express yourself, your truest self down on paper, you find your voice. Easier said than done, right? I know. They all offer advice and none works well when implemented. It’s so like law of attraction. You give all your effort and keep trying every day. You make sure you follow all the rules that you could find. You turn practicing the tips into a habit. And nothing happens. You find no result. Your desire does not manifest. Defeated you let go. You forget all about the tips and you go on with your life like those few months never happened.

And then you see your life transforming. You realize hopefully not too late that you manifest what you are, not what you want.

It’s the similar thing with your writing voice or so I have found out. You write yourself, not what you want to write.

I want to write like Oscar Wilde. But, I am not him. I cannot write like him. The only person I can write like is Anasua Ghosh. That’s me.

Years, I have spent before I could understand what my voice is. Years, I have spent trying. Years, I went through misguiding myself. I thought I have a poetic voice which can hypnotize the readers. In reality, I wanted to write in that voice. But, I am not a poetic person. Nope. I am a marathon talker who can talk her way out of anything. Thus, I failed to produce anything readable in that voice.

How I found this amused voice dripping with sarcasm? Well, I did not find it. The voice was there within me, pleading me to bring it out. You can too, find your voice. You just have to try.

Read. Read everything you can find, from classics to chick-lit everything. And write. Write journal. Write jokes. Write short stories. It does not matter what you write as long as you keep your pen moving or rather keep beating your finger tips on the keyboard.

Make reading a part of your daily life. Have no excuse for not reading. The more writers you explore, the better it is for you. Not only the quality of your writing will enhance, you will get to understand what works for you and what does not as well.

Another great way to find your true voice is imitating. Nope, I am not talking about copy pasting. Try to copy the voice that appeals to you. Practice writing in this voice for a while then switch to another voice. By doing so, you will finally stumble upon the voice which is your own. You will know it when you will find it.

But, there is one advice – don’t try to rush it. This is a slow progression. Enjoy the journey while it lasts.

Read or Please Don’t Write

Ah…me and my bantering, both are back. But, guys please read this one post not for your own sake but for the sake of people you will torture to death otherwise.

Read. Not only this post. Read means, read in a serious term. Read everything, books, blog posts, graphic novels and I mean everything.

Or please be an accountant.

No, don’t get me wrong. I find accountants pretty interesting. They know a lot about numbers. They spend their days staring at excel sheets. Their jobs are so mentally stimulating that I am sure they experience creative orgasms every day. Pretty lucky for them. But, we the writers are not that lucky you see.

We put our asses on the line of firing squad every day. We rattle down words. We moan. We groan. We write thousands of words every day and then get shits from people who cannot separate adjectives from adverbs, clients I mean to say. Improvement we must chase or die trying. Pretty Rocky IV like situation, right? Well, that’s our lives. But, we accept it.  We are after all the prisoners of our own desire. Happily we take the pain and move forward.

Until the day, there comes a writer in the team who does not read.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I leave you to decide, I lead a team of writers. They are all hand-picked, freshers with passion to become writers. Eighty five percent of the times, I make the right decision. The rest fifteen percent makes me wish that I had been an accountant and not a writer.

These people, the aspiring writers with attitudes and ego to tower Himalaya Mountain itself. They look down upon everyone and hold themselves high, the self-proclaimed kings or queens of their imaginary kingdom.

The truth sadly always comes out, with all its ugliness. They sit to write. They hammer the words down on paper. They submit the project. And bam. Explodes the bomb. As a result the entire team gets affected. Why?

Because now it’s the team duty to sweep the shit off the floor and make it shinny again.

Sad. Yet, I have witnessed this scene to unfold so many times that I have lost my faith in the ability of the writers. Here is the advice guys. Please pay attention.

If you want to write, you gotta read. You gotta read a lot. Without books, your vocab will suffer. You will not know the difference between Rewards and Revert. You will write Elegant Fabric instead of Comfortable Fabric. You will make everyone in your team affected by your lack of knowledge.

Want to make a career in writing?

Well enough. Start reading.

Want to make a career in anything?

Very well, invest time on self-improvement. It is more important than meeting your love interest every day. Romance might not last. But, your career certainly will.

Go home today and ask yourself what you have learnt. Was your day productive? Have you really earned something? If you are making a mess out of everything, you are falling behind. If you are not trying to improve yourself, you are wasting yours and others’ time. Make sure to make a difference in a way which counts. If your difference is making everyone shriek in horror, you gotta do some soul searching.   

Read, read a lot or please don’t torture others with your writing. Invest time in self-improvement or please forget about making a career. Harsh but true. Speaking from own experience. That’s all…

Life, Choices and You…

To be or not to be…that is the choice.

The best thing about life is its choices. We all have choices. We can choose to be or not to be. This is the ultimate secret of survival. Nah, I am not saying that I have made all the right choices all my life. Had I done so, I would have been driving a Lamborghini instead of riding by bus. Hey, I am not complaining. It is just a way of saying that I haven’t earned a master degree in making right decision. I haven’t earned a master degree in anything…anyways…let’s not get started on that…at least not here lol.

So, where was I?

Yeah, making choices.

Robert Frost has rightly nailed it in his Road Not Taken. In every step of life, you will be presented with two choices, it’s up to you to make one. You can choose to be a victim or you can choose to be a fighter. You can cry for your misfortune or you can get bang on the problem. You can choose to be what you are or you can turn your disadvantages into brand new opportunities.

Life is not easy. I cannot emphasize on this more. Life is a testing turmoil. It will test you at every step, beat you down on your knees (yep, you got it Rockyyyy, Rockyyy). But, nothing improves us better than life. With its each adversity we can learn. We can learn to become better. We can learn to be happy. We can learn to live. And most importantly we can learn to learn. Yeah, you got me right, you can learn to learn. Not many has this ability. Not many has the urge to make the effort to learn.

When learning stops, life stops. Movement is important. You see I am not a preacher. I am not a motivational speaker either. I am just a human being or maybe a divine being (as Wayne Dyer had urged everyone to believe) who has seen life. There had been a time when my faith had been tested. There had been a time when I stood staring ahead and saw nothing but darkening mist. At the rear end of it, I did not know what awaited. It could be life, it could be death, it could be utter destruction. Or, it could be a miracle.

I found my miracle. But, I had to make a choice. I had to walk the walk. I had to trust. I had to cling to the last thread of faith and step into the mist – the road less traveled. And I must say it made all the difference. Not that there was another way to walk. Universe had sealed my fate. And it decided to make me what I am today. Rightfully, unapologetically, unflinchingly ME.

The choice between being comfortable and following your dream will forever be there. What you do is your destiny. What you don’t do is yours too. How you handle the call of the wild shape up your future. You can choose to be comfortable or you can choose to explore the unknown.

Sometimes, we don’t have a choice. It is unknown we must explore. Like in my case. I had no other way to go. I had to proceed forward or die waiting. But, dying has never been an option. Life is a gift and I cherish it, no matter what.

In life you will come across people who cling to sadness like it is their second skin. With time it does become their second skin and eventually it becomes their soul. Happiness is a choice, it is not an object. You can choose to be happy or you can choose not to be. It’s up to you.

You can choose to see the splendors of life or you can choose to miss them. I chose to see the wonder of life even when nothing made sense. Yes, I was breaking inside, but, there was still a flicker of faith concealed in the deep water of my soul that told me – tomorrow everything is going to be all right. And I chose to believe it.

That’s it. Ponder the choices. Listen to your heart. And then chase your dream. If you don’t do it, universe might take over and make you do it. Trust me when universe takes over, it puts one through flaming forest. Speaking from experience guys.

Gotta go now. Enough for a day. I will be back. I always come back, don’t I. when? The day I find something to worth writing about. Till then, be happy, stay motivated. 

The F Therapy

Ha ha, you will say there she goes again. But, trust me, it works. I am propagating the therapy. If you try it, you will find it beneficial too.

So, what the therapy is anyways? Shouting out loud Fuck It when nothing is going right? Yeah, that helps too. But, in small way. For a moment you will feel good. For a moment your attitude will deny the adversities. However, in the long run, it will not help. The problems will not go away.

Ah, don’t get me wrong. Please don’t. I do curse. I do mutter Fuck Man, when things begin to go wrong. However, I found out that it does not help a lot. I still have to find the meaning in mayhem.

The F therapy is not Fuck Therapy. It’s not shouting the F words loud at people. It is forgiveness. The practice can help you go a long way.

From my experience I understood that in order to acquire positivity in life, it is important to forgive those who have wronged you. It is more important to forgive the person who stares back at you from the mirror every morning.

I have spent years in rage. There were so many. The list went on. And I kept adding to the list. I kept adding people, I wanted revenge against. My father’s side of family who walked out, ex-boyfriend who was fucking a whore, the neighbor who did not switch on the pump, the dog that barked every night and it went on.

It did not make the things better. It made me miserable. It made me restless. There were so many of them out there and I was not doing anything to show them their true place. The more time I spent with the thought, the worse it got.

Then one day, I shook my head and said – fuck them all. Forget them. But to forget them, I needed to forgive them. It was not easy. Forgiving ex-boyfriend is fine. Let him fuck the whore all he wanted.

But, forgiving the family my father left behind? The jealous and complaining relatives who toast each one of our defeat and mourn all our successes, how do you forgive people like that?

The day my father passed away, these people stood by and whispered in apprehension. They were afraid that they would have to support us now. Feeding three more mouths – oh man that is beyond thinking.

They don’t call us to inquire how we are doing. They call us to demand why we don’t call them more. Eventually, we gave up calling them at all.

Trust me when I say this – there is more to this story. Forgiving them is not easy. But, to be in peace, I did force myself to say in silence – that I forgive you. It feels good. I felt good. I felt alive.

However, just saying once did not help. For a moment I even believed that forgiveness is possible. But, the next instant the rage, the pent up emotion flooded back. And I found myself standing at the spot where I have started from – angry and seeking revenge.

So, I began the unique practice of saying to them – I forgive you. It worked. Finally, I succeeded in erasing them from my mind to the point that now they don’t even seem familiar to me.

Even if it has not done my ego any good. It has certainly done my heart a lot of good. I found peace.

Try it. Try F Therapy. Try saying that I forgive you. It can save your soul. It did mine. Forgiveness is the gift that you should give yourself – because you are worth it. 

Insane Creativity or Creative Insanity – That is the Question

As promised, I am back with my next post, creativity and insanity. Umm…my favorite topic. Yes, I can see you frowning. I can, in fact see a lot of you frowning. There she goes again, you must be thinking. But, hey, a promise is a promise. I promised to deliver and here I am sitting before my computer, in my workout clothes (this post is my excuse for not hitting the floor for push up lol), with a mug of steaming coffee and a lot of inspiration (which I have to chase driving my 10 second car in 5^th gear every time I sit to write). Pretty sad, you know. Sad I cannot stay inspired. Sad, inspiration is for the real writers only. Sad that I don’t know how does it feel like to be really inspired to write. The write mood some of my writer friends say. Anyway, I am drifting from the topic.

So, insanity is creativity. Or, creativity is insanity. Nope, please don’t think we are like the lunatics who will infect you by biting their teeth into your flesh. But, a touch of insanity looms beneath the surface of every creative mind.

Aristotle had said that - No great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness.

This we all will back, grinning.

People, time and again look at us bewildered and ask – are you crazy. They all are, I must admit wonderfully tolerant. They all forgive everything, but genius. Yes, that’s a deliberate theft from Oscar Wilde’s treasure chest. But, it’s true. When they call us crazy, they don’t it with affection. They do with sarcasm combined with amusement. So, amused sarcasm we get each time we try to express ourselves. But, the question might arise here – what makes creative people insane? You type creativity and insanity together in Google and you will find a flood of questions rather than answers and information.

Is creativity interlinked with insanity? Do they need to be crazy? And you will get to see images of Virginia Wolfe, Edger Allan Poe, Robin William and many others who had the courage to be different.

So, what makes creative people appear to be crazy to the world? This question has nudged my mind each time I have been called insane. And trust me when I say this I have been called crazy a lot of time by people who cannot describe the beauty of the moon with their eyes wide open. Sad yet true.

But, maybe we should not blame them for branding us as insane. Maybe it is in our body language or in the way we present ourselves. No one sane person will write what I am writing right now. This is one of the arguments which I have no counter evidence to attack. Here, I plead guilty. And there are other instances, which I cannot deny, make creative people look crazy.

The disclaimer is – I am not judging the creative minds. I am not belittling anyone. I am expressing my opinion and my observation. You might beg to differ. And you have the right to disagree with me. In fact that’s my first point.

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. Another Oscar Wilde for you all to admire. But, he has rightfully expressed what most of us feel. If people agree with us, how are we different? And frankly, people don’t agree with us. They in fact oppose us. Some violently, some timidly, some reluctantly. But, they oppose. And we enjoy the opposition.

The Picture of Dorian Gray has earned strong antagonism from the critiques. Its symbolism, especially the homosexual tone of the narration had forced people to stand up and try to destroy the creator. Sadly, in this case they succeeded. The critiques – the epitome of sanity stood united to save the world.

More than hundred years had passed since the publication of the novel. Yet, it is considered to be one of the most beautifully written classics. I cannot agree more. The skill, the craft and the wits of the creator attract nothing but awe. But the critiques – we don’t even know the names of the people who took Wilde to trial. Should I be laughing? Nah, I am not laughing.

Fall seven times and stand up eight. This is the sad part. Creative people fall, too many times to keep a scorecard. They get rejected. They get humiliated. They stand alone. They lose themselves. They doubt themselves. In the end, they only have their reflections left who believe in them. But, they keep going. They keep moving. They keep doing it, despite failure. Jack Ma did. He kept pushing and pushing until his story of failure became the motivational story for many struggling souls.

Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it, the just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after a while – Steve Jobs. This might be a strong reason. Creativity cannot be explained. Ask Van Gough how he painted Starry Night. Ask Jack London how he created White Fang. Ask Steve Jobs how he came up with ideas to change the world. They will all tell you one thing – I don’t know. They are right. They don’t know. Ideas come. Ideas form. How? Impossible to say. It is insanity to people who cannot come up with ideas.

We find sanity horribly boring. Yes, we do. Being sane all the time means being rigid. I come across so many such people every day, the sane ones, who make me look up and say a prayer of gratitude that I am born with the touch of insanity. No one is more dangerously insane than one who is sane all the time: he is like a steel bridge without flexibility, and the order of his life is rigid and brittle.” – Alan Watts. They don’t know how to dream. And when they dream, they do with reluctance, like they gotta pay big buck for big dreams. Poor soul, I find myself thinking when I met someone like this.

They don’t know what it feels like to set free. They don’t know what it feels like to paint images on the surface of empty sky. They don’t know half the things life has to offer. They don’t give the child inside a chance to come out.

They grow up – it’s their tragedy. We never do – it’s ours.

Still frowning? Well, I haven’t even gotten started. Next I am planning to explore another one of my favorite topics – qualification. Stay tuned to be overwhelmed guys.

Coffee, Notebooks and Pens

Um, yeah, these three are what most writers survive on. There are other necessities as well. Some romantic notions about addictions and nonsense like alcohol or grass. We will talk about it later, in another post. But, right now, it’s coffee, notebook and pen time.

How many vices do you have? What do you absolutely need to set your creativity free? What do you sip while writing?

Yesterday, I sat before the computer with a large bowl of ice cream. I thought I would pamper myself. It’s been long, you know, I paid any attention to myself. A lie. Anyway. I am born with genetic defects and by now everyone who knows me agrees on this. United in agreement. Separated in disagreement. That did not come out too well, did that? Anyway.

Ok, so ice cream. Sadly the bowl full of creamy chocolate fudge did not help me do anything out of ordinary. And it got me thinking. Lately, everything gets me thinking. Curious, don’t you think so? No one would call me a philosopher. I am not. I am rather a twisted personality who speaks her mind out. Have lost a lot of friends that way. But, who cares? You cannot take my truth, you don’t deserve my lies.

Hey lies take a lot of hard work. You gotta think it. You gotta test drive it. You gotta deliver it in proper tone and word. Hard, hard work. Not for everyone lol.

Whatever.

So, when ice cream failed. Thank God it did. Or, else I would have kept gobbling on ice cream only. What that would have done to my weight loss plan, I only shiver to imagine. But, it failed. When it did, I brewed a mug full of strong coffee and came back to writing. And viola, words came pouring out. I finished a very crucial part of my current project.

 

Coffee is a great vice of mine. I need it when I am writing. To be frank I need a lot of it. Mug after mug disappear when my fingers are flying on the keyboard. And I need it strong though I prefer it with milk and sugar. It is like fuel that keeps me going. Without coffee I find myself going adrift. You might have this thing for tea. But, coffee and writing have some special bonding, like eyes and sight or some other crap like that. So much for metaphor.

Ah…notebooks. This is my favorite vice. I buy notebooks like my life depends on it. I need to have a notebook at my fingertip does not matter where I am. Currently, I am carrying a soft cover, red notebook with ruled pages. It is portable and easy to handle. This is my self-improvement journal. Here I plan. I praise myself for sticking to plans. And bash myself if I fail to do it. It works.

I have a creative journal. This one is for story and title prompts. There is a reading journal. Here I review the books I read. You will find an abundance of John Grisham and John Sandford book review here. There is a project journal. This I use to record information about my ongoing projects. I have an idea journal which I use for recording blog post ideas. I also keep a journal for recording positive thought. There is one journal a brown hard covered one. It is expensive. I bought it on a whim (that I do a lot). This is the blank journal. Meaning, I cannot bring myself to use it. It sits beside the computer and stares at me. And I stare back.

Pens? Yeah, I have a lot of pens, ink pen, gel pen, ball points, fountain pens (though I cannot use them), use and throw and many other that I cannot use. But, every time I end up using pencil. I think fast and I need a pen that can match the speed of my mind. This is the reason, I am more comfortable with the keyboards.  

Think I am crazy? Well, maybe a little. A lot in fact. Then again you gotta be crazy to be creative. There is no creativity without insanity. This is another topic worth writing about. And surely, I would explore it next.

Till then…be yourself.